Hogwarts Idol
by ErikandChristine
Summary: She may be out of her minds but McGonagall thinks Hogwarts Idol may e the perfect thing to enlighten their spirits after Dumledore's death....lets see if shes right.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Harry looked at front of the Great Hall to Professor McGonagall. He was confused and stunned at what she had just proposed. She had wanted to-

"Yes, you heard perfectly clear, I am proposing a competition: _Hogwart's Idol_." She paused to gaze around the Hall. They were celebrating Halloween that night, but everything seemed duller. Maybe it was because Dumbledore was gone, but they had to move on, and she knew this would help enlighten the mood.

McGonagall was right, abruptly the students began discussing it with the people around them. She noticed Harry staring at her with dumb expression she moved her gaze to the Slytherin table, they were also excited except one certain individual, Draco Malfoy.

Yes, he was back. His mother had managed to persuade the Ministry he was condemned to do the dark lord's wishes, and most believed it too. She had said he was under the Imperius, but who knew the truth.

Slowly she cleared her throat to continue. "This is the last years for our seventh years and they have shown outstanding performances, especially certain students from the time they stepped foot here. I also believe we need something to lighten the spirits here."

She moved to the center of the room, and raised her wand to the ceiling. A picture formed, a trophy, half silver and gold. It shimmered in the dark night sky of the enchanted ceiling. The students watched in awe, slowly the lights dimmed, and all that was lighting the whole Hall was the glow coming from the trophy. It had the Hogwarts crest on the front, with the different animals moving.

Everyone stared mesmerized. McGonagall continued, "Yes, as you may have guessed this trophy will be awarded to winner, runner ups also awarded a similar trophy but much smaller and one color, depending on their position. Gold for the first runner up and silver for the second runner up."

"Uh, but didn't you say-," Professor Flitwick began. "Ow!"

McGonagall, kicked him in the shin, "Quiet." She hissed.

She clapped her hands to silence them, "I'm almost done, I want to say, that practice on your singing and that anyone can sing, except the staff though. Tryouts will be held mid-November. Now I am finished, you may leave to your rooms."

Quickly everyone left the Great Hall talking excitedly to each other about this new competition.

McGonagall seemed happy with the ordeal, she frowned as she saw Flitwick hopping on his foot still rubbing the part she had kicked.

"What about what you said-,"

"Hush!" she hissed again, and once again kicking in the same exact spot. "That is a secret between the staff only, and I'd like it to remain that way."

"Okay." He whimpered. Madame Promfrey, hobbled over to him.

"It's a good thing I didn't ask." She whispered.

It was a week after the announcement on a Saturday afternoon. There were various Gryfindors in the common room practicing or making arrangements.

Hermione sat at the side beside Harry and Ron near the fireplace. She tapped the eat of the song on her MP3 player. Harry was still shocked about the whole thing.

"Why would she do it? Who in their right mind would do it? Why are all these people even bothering?" He said in one breath.

Hermione sighed and gave him a pitiful look. "Oh, come on Harry, everyone's okay with it, why are you all worried about it."

He frowned and sat back, until he noticed her MP3. "Hey, I thought electronics didn't work in Hogwarts?"

She nodded. "I'm surprised you remembered. Anyway, the ban was lifted in exception to this competition. I can't believe the tryouts are in eleven more days!"

"Eleven days, twelve hours, twenty minutes and thirty-five seconds." Ron said from where he was sitting.

Hermione and Harry exchanged looks. "Well that was precise, Ronald." Luna said walking in on their conversation. Ron muttered something under his breath about monkeying in on others business.

Luna paid no attention and also noticed Hermione's MP3. "Oh, my father just sent me one yesterday. I finally got it to work…..i think?" with that she walked off, singing the school song.

Luna wasn't the only one having trouble with these musical electronics. The trio picked up little its of others conversations:

"Dad, sent me this MP something? He said it played music?"

"I don't understand how music comes from a metal box?"

"I think we're supposed to press play."

"I did! But I have to download something or the other."

"Mine keeps playing 'My Humps'."

Hermione laughed silently. Harry rolled his eyes. "I see there are some advantages to being muggleborn." Ron said.

She nodded and looked at the book his head was buried behind a book, shockingly enough. "Ron since when do read books unless your forced to. Let me see-," she reached over to take the book from him.

"Rrrrr." He growled snatching the book from her.

She and Harry slowly backed away. "Sorry, I'll ask next time."

He let out another growl.

Harry sighed. He gazed around room. People singing, dancing to the rhythm and hiding their music from others.

"And so the madness begins…"


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Harry cursed under his breath as he saw the paper on the announcement board. It had been 2 weeks since the Hogwarts Idol announcement, he thought it would've died down now.

But no, here was McGonagall, trying to lift the fear from the students. Hell it was working, but he still thought it was stupid. And now it read that tryouts would be held the following week for all participants. It was a private tryout in the Staff Lounge.

Harry banged his head against the wall until he began to get dizzy. This week would be hell. Non stop people would be singing throughout the school and he would have no escape, even Ginny was becoming a Hogwarts Idol groupie.

"Uh, Harry if you have a headache you could always see Madame Pomfrey, banging your head doesn't help." Said a worried voice behind him.

Harry lifted his head, "Huh? Why are there two of you, Hermione?"

Hermione grabbed his elbow and pulled him to the arm chair. "OH Harry I don't understand why you're so upset."

"Well for one, the tryouts for Hogwarts Idol are next week." Harry said groaning as Hermione held his head in her hands.

"WHAT!" she dropped Harry 's head which now hit the wooden arm rest. "Why didn't you tell me before, I have to practice!" with that she practically flew out of the common room.

"Well thanks for concern!" he shouted angrily after her. Man, why was this thing so important.

Ron walked in. Harry was taken aback, even with his head hurting he knew it was too early for Ron to get up on a Saturday.

"Why was she in a hurry?" Ron asked pointing after Hermione.

"Oh, tryouts for that damn Idol thing." He mumbled.

"Oh." He said.

Harry smiled, finally some one who wasn't obsessed about it. He knew Ron wouldn't abandon him.

"I have to… go now, ok." Ron said quickly.

Or so Harry thought he wouldn't abandon him.

"Oh and you have a bump on your head." Ron said turning around.

"So do you think _American Idiot_ is a good song to sing or _Stupids will Survive_?" Ginny asked.

Harry quirked an eyebrow. "Um… I think both are offending."

Ginny scowled, "Fine don't have to act like your so great just because I picked wrong songs."

Harry was about to response when she threw another question at him.

"So do you think _Color's of the Wind_ is good?" She asked.

Harry was staring at his potions home work and tuned out for a moment. "Huh what?"

"Sheesh Harry! When I want your attention, suddenly homework is more important." Ginny screeched.

"But-,"

"I ask you one question, but no, you don't care that its important to me."

"I-,"

"Gosh you are like a Grinch, but of Hogwarts Idol!" with that she stomped away.

"Well yeah! So you like the color BLUE!" Harry called after her.

He stopped. "Blue? Man, is this Idol thing brainwashing everyone?" He paced the empty common room until he was certain he had done the compulsory 20 minute walk needed for a good exercise.

Ginny's words came back to him. Then it hit him.

"Thanks Ginny."

He was going to literally become the **Grinch of Hogwarts Idol.**


	3. Chapter 3

McGonagall took a sip of her drink. Surprise, Surprise it was firewhisky. And apparently she had a little too much.

"Don't you think you'd had a little too much?" Flitwick asked her.

I already said that! Snaps the authoress.

"I already said that." he mimicked.

Stop copying me!

"Stop copying me!" he mocked.

Shut it or I'm going to have Voldemort on your ass the next chapter.

"…"

That's better. Anyway.

It was the day for the Idol tryouts. Five full sheets had been filled. Surprisingly even Slythirens were going to try out.

McGongall stared at the cool liquid and swished it in the goblet. She, Flitwick, Hagrid and Madame Pomfrey, were the judges.

"Okay, so who's the next one up?" She asked in a bored voice.

"Let's see…Parvati Patil." Pomfrey said.

Parvati walked in wearing a very short plaid mini skirt and a spaghetti strap tank top with a low cut. So in a short, a lot of skin showing.

"Next!" McGonagall said.

"But I didn't even get a chance to sing." Parvati cried.

"Not with that outfit you don't. Wearing little clothes wont score points with the male judges."

"So who's next?" She said as she watched Parvati walk out.

"Uh… her twin sister." As Hagrid said that she walked in with the same exact outfit.

"Sigh, must I repeat myself. Ahem, wearing slutty clothes wont score points with the male judges."

She opened her mouth to object.

"And neither will sleeping with them."

She stomped out of the room muttering something about Flitwick lying to her.

"Who's next now?"

"Uhh, Hermione Granger."

Hermione stepped in with a more modest uniform.

"What will you be singing today?" McGonagall asked.

"A song." Flitwick replied.

She shot him an annoyed look. "I know that you dimwit, Flitwick." She paused. "Hey that rhymes! Dimwit Flitwick! Dimwit Flitwick! Dimwit Flitwick! Sing it with ME!!"

As it was previously mentioned, she had just a little too much firewhisky. Just a _tad._

Hermione watched this scene with an odd look on her face. "Uh…is this a bad time?"

"Just sing already, Miss Perfect."

"It's Granger."

"Granger/Perfect, what's in a name." She said waving her handing aimlessly.

Ron was pacing the floors of the common room. It was empty except for Harry who was watching him.

"Uh…for the fifteenth time. Is something bothering you?" Harry asked.

"NO. Of course not. Why would something be bothering me?" Ron snapped.

"Because you made a dent in the wall."

"So?"

"With you Head."

"Your point?"

"Uh…never mind. So anyway listen to my plan." Harry said eagerly.

Ron looked at him suspiciously and sat down in the armchair beside him. "What is it?"

"Ever heard of the Grinch who stole Christmas?"

"Yeah, wasn't Hermione talking about some moo-vie contraption during the winter?"

Harry nodded his head. "Yeah, yeah that's it. Anyway, this whole Hogwarts Idol thing has been bugging me. So guess what I'm going to be!"

"…Let me throw it out there. The Easter Bunny?"

"No."

"Tooth Fairy?"

"No."

"Santa?"

"No."

"Saint Nick."

"That's the same as Santa."

"Oh yeah…. A pumpkin?"

"That's the 350th person we've heard sing today." McGonagall groaned.

"Really? I lost track after 299." Hagrid grumbled.

Pomfrey raised her head of the table. "You can count?"

"Uh Minerva, do you wan to take a break?" Flitwick asked tentatively.

"Why would I want to do that?"

"Well here are the things that have taken place:

Things said:

You call that singing? A rock can sing better?"

Is that supposed to impress me? Because I'm impressed. I'm impressed at how ugly you can look.

I didn't think it'd be possible to be dumber than Flitwick, but there you are. Living proof.

Are you stupid? This a singing contest! Not a writing contest! I don't care if you have talent! Creative writing is prohibited!

BURP

On a scale of 1-10. That number was so negative it doesn't even register.

I'm speechless. I can't believe someone can sing as bad as that.

Uggh! Are you singing a Gewn Stefani song? I hate her! You are here by banned from the school, for bad taste in music.(…) It's unfair eh? What ya gonna do? Tell daddy? Well I don't care!

Next!

Congratulations you have won the award of singing worse than Fergie. It was thought to be impossible, but you've done a miracle. You suck even more.

My eyes! You look hideous! (…) Ahhhh my nose! You smell like (…) Gahhh! My ears!! Your voice is horrible.(…) What do you mean you haven't sang yet?

YOU are the WORST! What is that a TEAR! NO tears allowed in this school! Now drop and give me 50! Yeah 50 pushups! I don't care if you're missing an arm. Excuses, excuses.

How people responded:

Crying

Screaming

Soling their "undergarments"

Cramming their fist into their mouths (not a pretty sight)

Flashing/Mooning on the way out,"

"Oh and this is supposed to tell me what?" McGonagall asked.

"That you've gotta lay of the alcohol and take a break."

She rolled her eyes. "I just want it to be done now. Next!"

Surprisingly Luna walked in, wearing a shirt advertising her dad's magazine, except it was upside down so it was hard to tell, and her regular necklace of corks.

Clearing her throat really loudly, she began her song:

"_Grandma got run over by a reindeer  
Walking home from our house Christmas Eve.  
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,  
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe._

She'd been drinkin' too much eggnog,  
And we'd begged her not to go.  
But she'd left her medication,  
So she stumbled out the door into the snow."

At this point McGonagall burst out laugh in a strange manner. "Ha ha heppa- ha, if I do say so myself."

"_When they found her Christmas mornin',  
At the scene of the attack,   
There were hoof prints on her forehead,  
And incriminatin' Claus marks on her back."_

"Sniggle snaggle tort tort funny snort. Ha ha ho he ha. Floo gol shmol she ha ha pool."

"_Grandma got run over by a reindeer  
Walking home from our house Christmas Eve.  
(On her way home)  
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,  
(Say there's no Santa)  
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.  
(Lord, we believe)"_

"Amen to that!! Ha tee heee torture. Ha ha laryngitis cancer Capricorn disease ha ha bladder problem ha tee hee hee."

"_I've warned all my friends and neighbors.  
"Better watch out for yourselves.  
They should never give a license,  
To a man who drives a sleigh and plays with elves."_

"HOO hoo ah ah ha ha. D-O-G Ha ha ha tee tee hee hoe Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay haha Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!"

"You can stop now Luna!" Hagrid called out. Luna shrugged left the room with McGonagall curled up in a fetal position rocking back and forth from laughing so hard.

"Are you okay?" Pomfrey asked.

"Easy peasy, lemon squeezy…"

"So…was that a yes or a no?"


	4. Chapter 4

Harry paced the common room frustrated, wearing a costume of an odd shade of green. The room was empty until Ron stepped in. He immediately backed away when he saw Harry.

"Uh, I don't think the Easter Bunny looks like that." Ron said.

Harry rolled his eyes, "We've been though this, I'm the Grinch."

"Uh…yeah that clears things up." Ron said shrugging and headed for the nearest armchair. "So when you busting into the auditions?"

"Well that's the thing, I woke up late and the judges are on break right now, McGonagall passed out from too much firewhisky, so I'll have to go a little later."

Ron nodded slowly, "Alright just don't go at six."

"Why not?"

Ron gave him a look and walked closer to him. "Do you trust me."

"Um…." Harry started.

5 MINUTES LATER…

"Um…"

"Oh come on you should've said yes by now." Ron said. "Just not six ok."

"Ok whatever you say." Harry said slowly.

"Good, now I have to go." He said turning to the door.

"Where you going?"

"Somewhere."

"Where."

"Somewhere."

"Okaaay…why?"

"'Cuz."

"'Cuz what?"

"Because."

"Ron."

"Harry."

"Just tell me where the freaking hell you're going!" Harry shrieked.

Ron sighed. "Do you trust me?"

"Must we go through that again."

"Yeah you're right, lets just say I'm going to a better place." With that he went through the door.

"Woah…" Harry breathed and looked up at the ceiling. "Take good care of him Sirius."

Just then Ron re-entered the room, "Oh and your fly's undone."

"Aauggh!"

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McGonagall's speech was still slurred but at least she wasn't unconscious. Hagrid, Pomfrey, and Flitwick sat near her at the judging table.

"Next!" she screamed.

A meek girl with blue hair stepped in.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" McGonagall said.

"Uh that's rude Minerva." Hagrid said.

"You talkin' to me?" she said pointing at him.

"Yeah."

"You telling me you talkin' to me?" McGonagall said.

"Yeah I am." He said standing up.

"You wanna take this outside." McGonagall said wobbling as she stood up.

"Minerva," Pomfrey hissed, "do you realize if he sits on you, you'll soon be sharing lemon drops with Dumbledore."

Minerva nodded droopingly. "Yeah you're right. We'll deal with this later Haggis."

"It's Hagrid."

"Is there a difference, you're both disgusting."

Hagrid glared at her but sat down quietly. The blue haired girl just stood there.

"Well you gonna sing or what?" McGonagall snapped.

She cleared her throat and introduced her song, "Uh this is by Rihanna. Heh.

_And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful  
And it kills him inside"_

"So why don't they break up?" McGonagall whispered to Pomfrey. _  
_

_"To know that I am happy with some other guy  
I can see him dyin'"_

"So is he dead yet?" she asked again. Pomfrey shrugged.

_"I don't wanna do this anymore"_

"But she still does it?" she said.

_"I don't wanna be the reason why  
Every time I walk out the door  
I see him die a little more inside  
I don't wanna hurt him anymore  
I don't wanna take away his life  
I don't wanna be...  
A murderer"_

"You mean he's still alive!" McGonagall shrieked.

_"I feel it in the air  
As I'm doin' my hair"_

"What the-? She's killing him and doing her hair. Talk about multi-tasking." McGonagall stated shaking her head.

_"I don't wanna hurt him anymore  
I don't wanna take away his life  
I don't wanna be...  
a murderer...(a murderer)  
no no no  
yeah yeah yeah.."_

The blue haired girl finished and look to the judges for a response.

"So does he die?" McGonagall asked again.

"Who?" asked the girl.

"The guy."

"What guy?"

"You mean he's still alive!"

"Who is?" the girl asked again.

"Never mind Minerva." Said Flitwick. "Let's just give her our comments."

"…" said Hagrid.

"…" said Pomfrey.

"…" said Flitwick.

"S.O.S. Please someone help me…" McGonagall said shaking her head.

The blue haired girl left frowning.

"Uh…next?" said Hagrid.

A boy walked in with an afro pick styled in his hair and sunglasses.

"Looks like I'm not the only one high." Snorted McGonagall.

"Well uh go ahead and sing." Pomfrey said.

The boy grinned and showed his grills shining against the light.

"Whoa is that aluminum foil?" McGonagall asked in awe.

"Uh…I don't think so." Said Flitwick.

The boy started his song.

"_What you gon' do with all that junk?  
All that junk inside your trunk?"_

"Is he talking about a car?" she asked.

"Uh…no." said Hagrid and Flitwick at the same time.

"_I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,  
Get you love drunk off my hump.  
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump"_

"Whoa whoa whoa, stop right there." McGonagall said raising her hand. "I think we get the point."

"Next!"

It was a nerdy boy named Al. "Hey!"

"He seems too happy to me." McGonagall whispered to the others.

"I made this song myself after listening to the song 'Your Beautiful' by James Blunt.

_My life is brilliant  
Your life's a joke  
You're just pathetic  
You're always broke_

_Your homemade Star Trek uniform  
really ain't impressin' me  
You're sufferin' from delusions of  
Adequicy_

_You're Pitiful (X3) It's true_

_Never had a date  
That ya couldn't inflate  
And ya smell repulsive too  
What a bummer bein' you_

_Well ya just can't dance  
And forget romance  
Everybody you know still calls ya  
Farty Pants But you always have a job well I mean_

_As long as you still can work that slurpie machine_

_You're Pitiful (X3) It's true_

_You're half undressed  
Eatin' chips of your chest  
While you're playin' Halo 2  
No one's classier than you_

_Lalala la  
Lalala la  
Lalala la Loser_

_You're Pitiful (X3) It's true_

_Your dog would much rather  
Play fetch by itself_

_You still live with your Mom and you're 42_

_Guess you'll never grow a clue  
When it just sucks to be you_

_There ya goes." _

"WOW!" Breathed McGonagall. "That was beautiful…my eyes are tearing up." She said. "You automatically go to the next round. May Godric Gryffindor or whatever his name is, bless you."

Al left beaming.

After Hagrid yelled next a person walked in. Neither of the judges could tell what gender. Trying not to strain their brains they told the he/she or she/he to sing.

"_Mmmm mmm yeah  
Do do do do do do do-do  
Ohh Yeah" _

"This is going somewhere right?" McGonagall asked.

"_Gotta change my answering machine  
Now that I'm alone  
Cuz right now it says that we  
Can't come to the phone  
And I know it makes no sense  
Cuz you walked out the door  
But it's the only way I hear your voice anymore  
It's been months  
And for some reason I just  
(can't get over us)  
And I'm stronger then this  
I'm so over being blue  
Cryin over you _

And I'm so sick of love songs  
So tired of tears  
So done with wishing you were still here  
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow  
So why can't I turn off the radio?

_And I'm so sick of love songs  
So tired of tears" _

"Yeah tell me about it. Love songs get to me too. Uh, you can stop now girl…guy…person." McGonagall said confused. Once the "person" left McGonagall asked the question everyone was wondering.

"What the bloody hell's an answering machine?"

"You telling me, I still don't even think that phone thing exists." Flitwick said shaking his head.

The next person walked in, this time you could tell it was a girl…it think?

"Um this is 'Stacy's Mom.

_Stacy's mom has got it going on._

_Stacy can I come home after school?_

_We can hang by the pool so I can get a look at your mom._

_You know I'm not that little girl any more._

_She's what I've always wanted to be._

_I wanna be like Stacy's Mom!_

_Sorry Stacy cant you see, your not the one for me, besides I'm not like that!_

_I wanna be like Stacy's Mom!_

_I wanna be like Stacy's Mom!_

_I love the way she matches her socks._

_No matter what she rocks!_

_Sorry Stacy you suck, but your Mom's got the bucks._

_See you at school but can I home after school._

_You know I'm not there for there for the cookies but your Mom._

'_Cuz Stacy's Mom has got it going on._

_I wanna be like Stacy's Mom!"_

888888

**Okay that wasn't very good, but hey I wrote it at 12:30 at night, the best I could do without nodding off. Oh and I did rearrange the "Stacy's Mom". **

**Just do review if you've suffered this far. The next chapter will be much much much better. **

**We'll be hearing the singing stylings of Malfoy, Harry and Ginny and one more special person…**

**No review, no chapter…**


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